Broken Vows, Unbroken Grace: How God Redeemed and Restored My Marriage
Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman. God designed this relationship in the book of Genesis, and Jesus confirmed that design. Throughout the Bible, when marriage is referenced, it speaks of a husband and wife, a man and a woman. God designed marriage to be sacred, special, and a covenant between one man and one woman.
So, what happens when adultery enters a marriage?
In the Old Testament, the law was clear: both parties involved in adultery were to be put to death. Then Jesus came, and He took the understanding of adultery even deeper. It wasn't simply about the physical act anymore. Jesus taught that adultery could begin in the heart.
Jesus spoke about adultery in terms of:
lusting after someone in our hearts;
divorcing a spouse outside the proper grounds for divorce; and
remarriage under those circumstances.
Now, let me be clear: Jesus never said that divorce or remarriage could never happen. Divorce exists because covenants can be broken. Adultery is one way that happens, and abuse and neglect can also violate the promises to love, cherish, and protect one another.
But I digress. This entry isn't about every circumstance surrounding divorce.
It's specifically about adultery, and you might be wondering why.
Because that is where my testimony begins.
This is the story of how broken vows met unbroken grace.
Before I get to my story, though, let's talk a little more about what adultery does to a marriage.
Adultery is destructive. It creates heartbreak and soulbreak, is that a word? If not, I think it should be. It creates distrust and betrayal. It can leave someone feeling shattered, isolated, confused, and completely lost. It can bring shame, guilt, grief, bitterness, anger, insecurity, and doubt.
Any sane person might look at that kind of devastation and say, "That's the end. There's no coming back from that. There's no forgiveness, no healing, and no redemption." And truthfully, there was a time I would have agreed.
Many years before I met my husband, I dated a guy who I believed was single. His best friend and even his dad helped maintain that lie. Eventually, I discovered the truth: he was married and had a child. I refused to be the "other woman," so I walked away.
I wish I could say it was a clean break. It wasn't. He made leaving difficult. But even then, I knew I would never willingly put myself in that position, nor would I allow a man to treat me that way.
So, when I discovered years later that my own husband was having an affair, what changed?
God.
Several years ago, I discovered my husband was having an affair. I found out by looking at his phone when he thought I was asleep. I had known something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then I read the words on that screen, and they broke me. Every emotion I described above suddenly became real. I felt myself spiraling.
How could he do this?
What do I do?
How do I handle this?
We have two kids.
I went through every emotion because, well, I'm an emotional person. I've always been in my feelings, probably more than I am now.
At first, I reacted out of hurt, pain, grief, anger, disgust, shame, betrayal, and fear. I immediately went into protection mode. It was pure instinct driving me in that moment. I needed to protect my kids and myself: find a lawyer, figure out my options, and prepare for what might happen.
For weeks, that's what I did.
During that time, I would sneak looks at his phone and read their conversations. The other individual created lies about me. She told him I was manipulative and that I would take his children away and never let him see them again.
She was wrong.
She was wrong about many things.
She encouraged my husband to speak with every lawyer in the area, so I couldn't retain one. She encouraged him to take everything from me, cut me off financially, and even take the kids from me. But as I read those conversations, I started noticing something. There were moments of hesitation in his responses. Not necessarily hesitation in how quickly he replied, but in the words themselves. Every once in a while, I could see a little doubt. I could see moments where he seemed to push back. This went on for weeks.
Then one day, I broke.
I was such an emotional wreck that I couldn't stay at work anymore, so I left. The only thing I knew was that I needed to talk to someone. I drove without really thinking about where I was going and somehow ended up at my church. I got out of my car and discovered the building was locked.
My knees felt shaky. My heart was breaking.
And before I knew it, I was kneeling outside my church.
Praying.
Not silently.
Out loud.
Crying with a broken heart, I asked God to heal our marriage. I asked Him to repair what had been broken and to reveal the truth to my husband, because something in my heart kept telling me that he still loved me. Somewhere deep down, I believed he still loved me, and I didn't believe for one minute that this was really what he wanted.
So, I asked God to redeem our marriage. I asked Him to heal it. I asked Him to show me where I had failed as a wife and give me the strength to fight for my marriage. That day, I made God a promise. I told Him that if He did this, if He brought us through this, He could use our test as a testimony to help others. Then I got up, left, and went home.
What happened next would demonstrate God's love and grace in ways I couldn't have imagined: His mercy, His redemptive power, and His ability to heal what looked completely broken.
What my husband did should have had me running, but something inside me kept saying, No, he still loved me.
The things he would later say to me proved that what I had felt in my heart was right.
I won't get into those details here. There are parts of this story that belong somewhere else, and if you want to know exactly what happened, you are free to read about them in my book, but what I will tell you is this:
Since that day, God has been working in my marriage.
I sincerely forgave my husband. I made that decision quickly. Forgiveness, however, did not mean everything instantly went back to normal. My trust had been broken, and trust had to be rebuilt. That took time. It took work. It took grace. We went to counseling, both together and individually. During that process, I learned I had things to work on, too.
Let me be very clear about that: nothing I did excused my husband's affair. Nothing justified his choices or the pain those choices caused. Even my husband will tell you that. He knew then, and knows now, that whatever problems existed in our marriage did not excuse his behavior. But restoration required me to be willing to look at myself, too. I had areas where I needed to grow. There were ways I had failed in our marriage, and there were things I needed to change. So, I did, because I love my husband.
I forgave him, even though there are times I don't think he has fully forgiven himself. I pray for him. I pray that he truly understands God's forgiveness and accepts the grace God offers him.
For those who might be thinking, Why didn't you leave? He cheated on you!
Yes. He did.
But God had other plans.
The Bible reminds us that what is impossible with man is possible with God, and it's true. God can do what we can't. He can renew what has grown old. He can breathe life into what looks dead. If Jesus, while dying on the cross, could extend salvation to the thief beside Him, then He can save anyone. God can redeem anything He chooses.
He is the great Healer.
He can mend what is broken.
He can restore what betrayal has shattered.
He can redeem what sin intended to destroy.
The enemy seeks to destroy us, and if we give him room, he will gladly take it. But there is strength and peace in knowing that God is infinitely stronger and more powerful than the enemy. Christ didn't give His life so that we could remain trapped in sin. He gave His life so our debt could be paid when we turn to Him.
That day outside my church, I asked God to intervene. After that, I had to trust Him enough to see it through.
That was in 2017.
Today, my marriage is stronger than it has ever been. My husband and I are closer. Our marriage has healed, and God continues to work within it. Are we perfect? Absolutely not.
We're still human. But I trust God with my marriage, and I do my best every day to be the wife God calls me to be, and the wife my husband needs me to be. I don't live worried that my husband will cheat on me again, and I don't live afraid that my marriage is going to fall apart.
Once in a while, though, the enemy still tries to whisper lies in my ear. Most of the time, I recognize them immediately. I stand against them and ask God to help me, but there are rare moments when those thoughts slip through. When that happens, I say something.
Thankfully, my husband listens and understands. He knows I'm not bringing up the past to punish him. I don't hold his wrong choice over his head, and I don't use it to control him. Instead, when doubt sneaks in, I ask my husband for help, and he gives it to me. I also ask God to take those thoughts away and help me keep my heart focused on what He has done, rather than on what the enemy wants me to fear.
For the most part, we are happy.
Truly happy.
I may jinx myself by saying this, but I honestly can't remember the last time we had a real fight or argument. It's been that long.
There's something else I've learned through all of this, too: I will defend my husband.
I chose to forgive him. Because of that, I will not allow other people to use what happened as permission to tear him down. It's not someone else's place to remain angry with him on my behalf. They aren't entitled to hate him or mistreat him because of something I have forgiven.
His choice affected me. It affected our marriage. And through God's grace, we dealt with it together. I forgave him, and God chose to restore our marriage and make it stronger. I will not continue condemning a man for something I have already placed in God's hands, nor will I invite others to do it for me.
This year, my husband and I have been married for 26 years. When I think about that, I am humbled. I am humbled and blessed that God gave us another chance. I am humbled by the love, mercy, grace, forgiveness, and power He has shown us.
So, do I believe God can restore a marriage?
Yes, I do.
Do I believe there is hope through God for forgiveness, love, mercy, grace, and redemption?
I certainly do.
Adultery is an incredibly difficult subject. Biblically, I had grounds to walk away from my marriage. But I chose not to. I chose to trust God. Now, don't misunderstand me. Had God made it clear that I needed to walk away, I would have. It would have broken my heart, but I would have done it. Instead, God led me toward restoration, and if God decided to redeem my marriage, then I needed to trust Him.
So I want to close with this: If you ever find yourself standing where I once stood, before your emotions completely take hold, before that flood of pain grips your heart, go to God.
Pray.
Cry if you need to.
Yell if you need to.
Fall to your knees if that's all you can manage.
But go to Him.
Sometimes a marriage can be redeemed. Sometimes it can't. Every situation is different, and restoration requires repentance, change, accountability, and both people's willingness to rebuild what was broken.
But no matter what happens, God knows, and He can use even the most painful parts of our lives for good. The hard part is trust. Complete surrender. Complete trust in Him.
That can be incredibly difficult when we're drowning in our emotions, but I'm thankful that Christ understands that, too. He understands how raw human emotion can be. Jesus wept. He experienced grief. He experienced anger. He knew anguish and sorrow. So, I know He understands when I become lost in my emotions for a moment, and when that happens, I'm grateful for a Savior who is patient and loving enough to meet me there, but who also gently calls me back to Him.
If He did that for me, He can do that for you.
That's why I remind people now that, with God, we are Never Alone.
He is there with us in the storms, waiting for us to reach out to Him.
And when the waves become too much for us to stand against on our own, He is there to pull us from them and hold us close as the storm passes.
God Bless,
K. M. Leffler
If you want to know the full story, what was said, what happened after that prayer, and how God walked us through the brokenness and into healing, I invite you to read Never Alone. There, I share the parts of our story I’ve chosen not to share here, and how God met us in one of the most painful seasons of our lives and began putting the broken pieces back together.
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